just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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