Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
