I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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