Me too!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
