Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
