Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
