Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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