umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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