I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
