I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
