ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
