I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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