i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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