I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
