I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
try to milk me bitch
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