I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
