We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
