tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
