If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Who died my cat blue again?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
