Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
