Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
