I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
