summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I enjoy the company of your penis
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