I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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