I look better un-naked...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
