There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the room spins SO much faster in panama
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
