Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it hurts more in the daytime
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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