I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
