I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
