mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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