Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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