i think my tv is drunk
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
