Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
