remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
