i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
