That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Can I color on your dick again?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
