Me. At least after what I've been through.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
