They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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