He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
