i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
