I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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