I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
