i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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