what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
