I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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