Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
