Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
