Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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