he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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