Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
