Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
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