You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
