I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
