Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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